This journey. We are learning so much. Growing so much.
This tiny one who holds our hands and stares into our eyes – she has stolen our hearts. Fully.
Foster care is a strange beast. It is born of tragedy, but it has the potential to turn the ashes of that tragedy into great beauty. The struggle is that no matter the end result, someone wins and someone loses. One set of parents will raise and love and know this beautiful girl. One set of parents will have to say good-bye.
Bigger than that, our little one loses something in this. No matter what, part of her little heart will be broken. No matter how this turns out she has been born into loss. No little loss this. Huge loss. Soul-touching loss. Because no matter what happens, she loses one set of parents. This is what brings me to my knees. This is what brings me to cry out to the Father on her behalf. To cry out for soul-deep healing that only he can provide.
Our hope is to be able to adopt. Our hope is to bring little Miss M. into our family. She is already our daughter for now and forever regardless of whether she leaves us one day to reunite with her birth family. I guess that’s kind of the way family works. Once you’re in, you’re in for life.
Here’s my burden. I love this little girl. I love her parents. I want good things for them. I want health and stability for them. I want hope for them. I want all good things for them because they are hers, forever. More than that, they are children of the King. They are loved by God, and they are beautiful in His sight.
This is what tugs my heart in two each and every day. I desperately want good and beautiful things for Miss M.’s parents. I desperately want her to be ours forever. How does a heart deal with such conflicting desires? How does one pray when your prayers seem to contradict one another? For now, I pray what is on my heart and ask the Lord to weed out any selfishness. I ask him to make Miss M. the winner.